chronicles of life into the tundra.
Monday, Might 30, 2011
dropping once more
There has been a question that, for the time that is longest, i had worries of asking. i’ve constantly understood exactly how critical I will be, particularly it is not too so with me with myself, and though answering this question may come so easy or so simple to many. I usually think to always respond to truthfully, really, and unless I could qualify, quantify, justify my responses, however instead avoid issue altogether, lest make an erroneous, a whole lot worse, a answer that is false.
I might have reports from it, some ideas from it, tales from it, but then i feel i draw from a deep and empty well if i were to extract from my own personal experiences. I do not think i’m love-less. i however believe that my head usually, unfortunate since it is for me personally to acknowledge, block off the road of feeling. perhaps when meant to draw from my fine, I actually do so using the slotted container of my brain, constantly ready to accept recommendation or even to thought that is new hardly ever really tightly grasping onto instead complex and profound tips such as for example love.
we usually shudder in the idea, frequently when lost in deep introspection. my much deeper self would ask simply how much do i love and I also always find myself at a lost for terms. I will be caught speechless ever time, plus the weight myself, always severe, always calculating, would suddenly get dropped and i am left without defense, naked, frail and bare, vulnerable to the harsh reality of my shallow existence, subject to my own chastising now of never learning to appreciate, enjoy, cherish the many affections that come my way that i often carry. Myself to even have these pass me by, fall through the cracks of my slotted basket, into the deep well that is my unquenchable heart that i had allowed. just what then, my much deeper sound would ask fundamentally, can you provide when it’s your look to love? if you have absolutely nothing but empty motion, hollow ideas, and vanity to your credit.
my thoughts are a strong, yet a thing that is dangerous. but i’m gradually learning, that one’s heart is often as well.
within the peaceful moments of my reverie, regarding the uncommon occasions whenever my thoughts are exhausted, my heart quivers. it skips, regardless of if just a little towards the fantasy of getting you covered with my hands, your read resting on my upper body, the body’s weight pushing on mine, and also for the extremely occasions that are few my human body relinquishes its should be strong and invite it self to be lost in your tiny energy. just how lovely it’s drown that i do not struggle but feel an overwhelming sense of rest. it is death in its sweetest form in you. A execution that is lovely smothered by the love, suffocated in your tenderness. I possibly could stay here forever, until my head awakens once again and then he gradually leads me personally away, loosening my embrace, tightening once again the reins.
what exactly is love? I am aware a bit that is little of now. my mind informs me of the success but i once had absolutely nothing to substantiate it, which was, until i yet again find myself dropping, quickly, carefully back in you, deeply into your overflowing well. there clearly was love. I really hope you find it in me personally too.
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